I Won't Tie You to a Cripple

I have just finished the Regimental Banquet. It was a very solemn affair. Colonel Klemm made us a speech on our duties to God and country, and Lieutenant Colonel Elliott made one on the duties of an artillery officer. They were both from the shoulder and gave us something to think about. I had thought somewhat on both subjects, but not as far as these gentlemen went. According to them, we have placed ourselves on a position of placing the American Government above everything, even our lives. We are expected to do absolutely as we are told. Evidently, if we are ordered to go to Berlin, go we must-or be buried on the way. I hope Russia saves us the trip, although I'd like to be present when Berlin falls. I tried to call you up this evening hoping that perhaps I'd get asked over to dinner tomorrow but I had only one chance at the phone and it failed. Maybe I can have better luck in the morning. I thought about you all evening, as I hope this letter proves. It was absolutely necessary for me to be present, as the colonel gave us our commissions from the governor. I am going to give you mine to keep because it may be very valuable to someone; at least I hope it will. I have felt like a dog all week. It seems that I have caused you to be unhappy by my overenthusiastic action in getting myself sent to war. Two big tears came in Mamma's eyes last night when I started off to Lodge in my soldier clothes. You are the two people in the world that I would rather see smile and that I like to cause to smile, and here I've gone done the opposite to both of you. Perhaps I can make you all happier for it. I'll try my best. Some way I seem to have an ability for getting myself into things by my overzealous conduct or anxiety to see them a success and do not seem to see the consequences to myself or others until the conclusion comes. The Joplin mine is a shining example. My brilliant farming experience is another. Just the other night when Major Klemm gave his battalion a banquet for making him major, I arose in my zeal and fulness of heart and announced that I was for him for colonel; for Captain Elliott for lieutenant colonel; and for Captain Miles for the new major. Someone chased right off to Major Stayton and informed him of my brilliant speech and he ceased speaking to me. I didn't care, for I'd have informed how I stood if he'd asked me but I shouldn't have been so loud in my remarks. Since Stayton got beat all along the line there's no harm done because he can't reach me now, but if he'd won either high office I sure would have caught the dickens. Maybe a little war experience will tone me down and make a man of me. I hope it will anyway. Bess, I'm dead crazy to ask you to marry me before I leave but I'm not going to because I don't think it would be right for me to ask you to tie yourself to a perspective cripple--or a sentiment. You, I know would love me just as much, perhaps more with one hand as with two, but I don't think I should cause you to do it. Besides, if the war ends happily and I can steal the Russian or German crown jewels just think what a grand military wedding you can have, get a major general maybe. If you don't marry me before I go, you may be sure that I'll be just as loyal to you as if you were my wife. I'll not try to exact any promises from you either if you want to go with any other guy why all right but I'll be as jealous as the mischief although not begrudging you the good time. Bess this is a crazy letter but I'm crazy about you and I can't say all those nutty things to you without making you weep. When you weep I want to. If you'd looked right closely the other night you might have discovered it, and a weeping man is an abomination unto the Lord. All I ask is love me always and if I have to be shot I'll try and not have it in the back or before a stone wall, because I'm afraid not to do you honor.